What a 5-Year-Old Boy Knows That You STILL Haven’t Figured Out

6 Apr

We all just want a man’s opinion, especially when it comes to our appearance. But it seems like straight guys never have a space for their voices to be heard and gay men are too similar to women to REALLY know what a guy wants. Well, fret not, Lip Servers, we found a secret weapon…  kids 😉

We set up an interview with one of Hollywood’s brightest child starts, five-year-old Adonis Lopecia. After getting a quick bite to eat at one of LA’s most exclusive raw, macrobiotic restaurants, we took Adonis to Bliss Spa for a facial and to scrub out the dirt on what he thinks makes girls so ugly:

annoying_kid-01

  1. Boogers.I saw my seat partner eat a booger once and she’s a girl. I told my mommy and mommy said that that’s a really bad thing to do.”  Lip Tip! we’re pleased to hear how many of you are trying out the diet featured in Lip Service last month, but please remember: THE BOOGER DIET SHOULD NOT BE PRACTICED IN PUBLIC. And stop trying to be progressive by calling yourself a seat partner. You’re his girlfriend…own it!
  2. Pink Socks.Pink is a gross girl color. Blue is for boys. My sister Angelina is always leaving her pink socks in my room.” Lip Tip! Where there’s socks, there’s a pair of fugly shoes close behind. Throw out your sensible flats and sneakers and opt for a strappy stiletto instead.
  3. Weird Looking Hair.Girls have stupid weird hair. They tie it like a knot or like try to look like a horse.” Lip Tip! Ponytails make you look manly, like you’re going to go play sports or solve math problems.
  4. They Smell.Ms. Schneider smells like Nana and it makes everyone cough. Daddy says she’s going to die alone in a diaper.” Lip Tip! Your perfume is probably aging you, along with many other factors. The only way to really smell younger is by rubbing your vaginal secretion behind the backs of your ears.
  5. Not Playing It Cool. “I like my Avengers shirt cuz I like Captain America and Iron Man. They’re the best Avengers because they’re really powerful.” Lip Tip! Next date night, dress up as a comic villain and let him live out his childhood dreams by dominating you!
  6. Always Getting Me In Trouble. “Angelina and her friends tell even when I’m not doing anything and she was the one who was spying.” Lip Tip! Don’t get caught going through his emails and texts. Only basic bitches get caught. Are YOU a basic bitch??
  7. Dumb Toys.I don’t like girl toys. They’re always pink and for playing house.” Lip Tip! Switch it up with different colored vibrators. And stop using them for meal preparation. That’s an outdated Lip Tip!
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