Did you know your body is covered with pleasure enhancing zones that scientist call er-og-e-nous? Next time you have to get in the mood for him, try spending some time alone first, getting to know your hair-free, hot n’ heavy hotspots up close n’ personal.  Do you like it in or out? What’s your favorite color to think of during sex? To help you answer these questions, Lip Service Magazine has listed all of the percolating places to push your pleasure from getting you wet to wetting your sheets.

I’ll G Right There: Can’t find your G-spot? Take your digit and really get in there. See, told you!

Geisha Gone Wild:  Hey, busy babes: remember to wasabi on wasabi off your edamame… it’s actually good for it! And what’s good for it is good for him. You love you long time!

Tits for Toots: Feisty Flatsies all the way to Double D Divas should know the importance of their tittertots. Just beneath your ninis are trillions of nerve endings and muscles; so, calfettes, always remember to twerk them while you work them! You’ll be udderly surprised 😉

Cheeky Chola: Next Tantric Tango, tackle your tom-tom like a true ‘tina. Pour hot sauce just below your enojita. !Hot tamale!

Insider Trading: Hype your hipbone hopscotch with this hypnotic hanky-panky hold: gently turn your commodity back and forth, until you can actually feel it.

One Load at a Time: Get just out of the cleaners hot by tweeing your squee with faaaaaaaaaaabric softener…

BBQueef:  Barbeque the meat in your smoke pit thrice over n’ down under until tender and smokin’ hot. 5 alarm chili anyone? No thanks, we’re on a diet.

Crafty Beaver: Tantrum your trinket with this steamy straightforward snuffy sexxx secret: Start with a pen, 2 rubber bands and a 4” piece of yarn and end with pure pink pleasure.

Supreme Cooter Courting: Attempt to influence your own official “decisions” 😉 by lobbying YOURSELF with the free flirty fundamentals in freaking. Read all about it!

Lunch Meat: Eeniemeenieminey YOUR mo with this meathole in one: eradicate your delicately delicate delicatessen. Repeat. That’s one spicy meatball!!

Sticky Buns: Bake your bonbon with prolonged dry heat by convection! To keep things hot, you’ll need something that starts with an “a”, rhymes with “lobotomy”, and ends in “w”. Certifiably sexy!!!

Knock, Knock. Who’s there? You. “You” who? Yoohoo, ladies! Now you get the idea!

Sexy Can I: with nothing or all, all at once, and nothing at all. It’s all the same. Wherever will you go now? You’re already there.

Cum & Ride the Train: A passenger train’s speed is 60 mph and a freight train’s speed is 40 mph. The passenger train travels the same distance in 1.5 h less time than the freight train. How long does each train take to make the ….”trip”? 😉 😉 😉

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Pleasure Meat Log: β = 10 log      = 20 log

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Tags: beauty advice, feminism, masturbation, relationships, satire, sex tips