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How to Vote for Him in Style!

23 Jul

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Electoral Debut. This is your big chance to get discovered! Treat it like any other Hollywood premiere and come in your very best. Just don’t make the mistake of going in the voting booth, then no one will see you!

Bill of Rights. Find the Anthony Weiner of your district. Once he shows you his, you can show him your… bills! Blackmail him into paying, or the peener goes public!

Rock the Tote. This primary, vote for Donald in style! Carry all of your boyfriend/father/brother’s suggestions in a fab birkin bag, so you won’t forget this time 😉

sarah palin bikiniBalance of Power Suit.  If election season has taught us anything, it’s that bossy is bitchy! The last thing any man wants to wake up to is a naggy haggy Hilary. Soften your appearance with Palin-approved pearls and a pouty pink lip!  And, remember, no one likes a bupkis Bernie!

Absentee Vote. The best way to send the message that you’re too good for voting is by not voting at all! Use the time you got off work to cast your ballot to get a fab mani/pedi instead. You’d be doing your country a disservice if you DIDN’T; those cuticles are out of control, fugglefists! 

Bill of Tight Tushie. Want his vote of approval? Then tighten your tushie, tubby! Try our Skenny Betch Tips to Looking Fab (For Him)

Opinion Polling. When a line starts forming on voting day, now’s your chance to get as many opinions as possible on an outfit (or a boyfriend) that you’re not sure about. They’ll be grateful to you for making their lives more interesting.  

To Catch a Senator. Polling results are in. The conclusion? Politicians are perverts! Catch your own with a lusty look straight from the dominatrix den that’ll whip him straight into the hearts of the American people!

Legal Voting Age. By voting, you admit you’re old enough to be someone’s mother. Pathetic!

Civic Booty.  Politicians are positively powerful…and you’re just an itty witty citizen. Serve him so he can serve the people. Ooh, happy birthday, Mr. Pwesident. 

Pres-i-duh!  Above all else, always remember your #1 duty as a patriot: Don’t be a downer, ladies! 😉 

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What You’re Doing Wrong

29 Mar

Guys reveal the secret turn-offs and pet peeves guaranteed to drive them away.

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“I hate it when girls have pockets. Not to be a dick or anything, but it makes their hips look fat. Besides, isn’t that what purses are for?”
– Craig Anderson, 27

 

 

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“Turn offs? Hairy pits, hairy legs, hairy pussy.”
– Ben Nagel, 32

 

 

 

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”Honestly, being a bitch. I’m so tired of women thinking they’re hot shit just because I’ve asked them out. Christ, you should be thankful that I’m even talking to you when you’re, at best, a 6.”
-Bryce Casabean , 29

 

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“When a girl thinks she’s smarter than me.”
– Jon Massey, 26

 

 

 

“I don’t wanna come off as an asshole or anything, but I’m tired of listening to chicks bitch about the ‘gender wage gap’. I’m paying for your dinner, doesn’t that make us even?”
– Bradley Stockton, 25

 

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“Ok, so I’m gonna keep it real here, ladies…STOP WEARING FLATS. It always looks manly. High heels are so sexy.”
– Adam Liu, 32

 

 

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“When they’re too slutty or not slutty enough.”
-Flynn Doyle, 28

 

 

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“Women in leadership roles.”
– Brian Weimar, 26

 

 

 

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“I find myself most disgusted when I discover that it can’t take direction.”
-Geoffrey Drench, 30