- Watch Holocaust footage while you eat. Seeing Jews die is super depressing and will work as a natural appetite suppressant. Plus, the victims’ lean bodies will inspire you to get in the best shape of your life.
- Smear feces on your fridge handle to deter you from opening it. ‘Nuff said!
- Inject vitamin C into your gums, making it too painful to eat. This treatment is jam packed with antioxidants and is great for getting rid of unwanted belly flab.
- Spooky Booty Boot Camp! Switch it up and start running late at night in scary places and dangerous situations. Be true to yourself and pick a spot that’s a REAL threat to your well being (Lip Pick: Frat Row!). You’ll run faster, the adrenaline will help you burn more calories, and, most importantly, you’ll get that tushy tight fast.
- Wormies for dinner. Go to your local pet shop and pick up some mealworms (Avoid: wax worms & silk worms, which are high in fat). Sprinkle them over anything you want to nosh on. It’s a great way to see if you’re really hungry or if your just bored. And you’ll eat way less when you taste those creepy crawlies in your kale wrap!
- Just eat the skin!
- Get a tattoo to keep you on track. We recommend: “Nothing tastes as good as thin feels”, “You’re fat and unlovable”, or “Your worth is what you weigh.” Keep it catchy!
- Eat like a bird…LITERALLY! Eat nothing but seeds and nuts for a month. Or just stop eating all together! You’re sure to get fit fast.
- Rockin’ Bod! A great alternative to getting a colonic is the Gravel Diet. Start your day off right with 1/4 cup gravel in your oatmeal or Greek yogurt (keep it under 200 calories, ladies!) the gravel will scrape your intestinal wall and colon, cleaning out that last cheat day. (Thought we wouldn’t notice, didn’t you!)
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“Kiss my skinny, white ass.” The fashion world has showered accolades on the “Preppy cunt—meets—Los Angeles scenester” style of the self-proclaimed model turned media mogul Samantha Miranda. Bored by pedestrian-wear, Miranda established her own clothing line to aid the uninformed and tasteless on how to be become hip quick. After recognizing her gift for helping the less fortunate, the designer began a career as a self-help writer, giving plain, frumpy and ordinary women beauty tips and relationship advice. A weekly column soon blossomed into the media empire that is Lip Service Industries. Now, women of some types are gifted with the ability to become the pretty, popular girl, thanks to the Life Style Bible, Lip Service Magazine.